Happy DLC day everyone!* 

*except you lousy pc fucks who got it yesterday

Our first ever hatemail from Twitter comes from OnlyBloodyDavid, who used pyromancy against our guy here and got a (relatively nice) message in return.

transcript: Congrats on recognizing it’s “Dark Souls” , for starters I think I’d whipe the floor with you if you stuck to a sword and shield and I’m not “crying” but it sounds like you’re getting a little mad so my advise to you is to stop messaging me.

So, this is a new one. One of the best Dark Souls blogs around, DarkSoulsII, got hatemail OUTSIDE of the game. They never even fought. Here’s the story, straight from her:

This is the first time that I’ve ever received hatemail without even playing the game. I was at work and I got a PSN app notification of a new message, so I checked it out and saw this guy. I realized right away that he was from GameFAQs and had been given a time out recently after flaming me for no reason. A quick Google search showed me that he has a long history of being a whiny baby online.

I’m not using any modded external saves of any kind.

Stumbled across a whole folder of hatemail ME Johnny sent me back in the day that I apparently forgot to post? I’m the worst. Proof that Johnny always got the weirdest/craziest/best hatemail though.

transcript: noob ever noobs i kill u very very veeerrryyyy easyyyyyyy i love u noobs thanks for the souls kkkkkk 

sci-fly-guy said: So wait, is this blog a place to hate of Dark Souls? Or a place where you post hatemail from Dark Souls PVP?

I think if you look back at the posts on this site, you can pretty easily tell that its a collection of slashfic for all of the *Souls characters. 

Submit yours now!

Christopher emailed this to me, so y’all should thank him for exposing us to this idiot. Enjoy!

Christopher is back promoting the blog (which I never asked for, but will take)

transcript: your so nubeish its hilarious

I don’t know what I did to “act cool”…,probably something very fucking cool. 

transcript: don’t act cool if your a spin to win nerd 

That second message…..ahahahahahahah (thanks Christopher)

transcript: (1) fuck off hacker peace of cracker shit  (re) A) I did not hack.  B) You tried to cheap me out while I was fighting another opponent and still managed to lose, so you shouldn’t be mad at me right now.  (2) im not mad but i hate bitches like you so ur getting blocked cracker

The hardest part about running this site is not posting all of the hilarious hatemail I get all at once. 

I guess rolling behind someone’s telegraphed 2hr1 and backstabbing them is now “fish’in”. Ok, great. Thanks.

transcript (1) fish’in (2) u fish

Thanks dubstepnoisemarine.

So I’m doing PvP in the Brotherhood Arena and this guy kills me with barely taking damage so I thought whatever, even after he did the Decapitate gesture.

We get paired up again and I’m winning so he pulls out his Target Shield and begins the parry spam, which I punish a couple times and do the No Way gesture, but he ends up getting me with the parry spam.

I message him saying “Nice job getting one off, parry king” and he replied with the response on bottom; I reply with “I’m not since that wasn’t even the worst parry spam I’ve seen” to which he replies with the response on top

transcript: lol y r u still messaging me? get a life salty faggot get blocked (2) dont get too salty there mr “no way”.

Christopher called someone out for disconnecting on his Old Monk invader, and got a fairly typical response. 

transcript: Im not dealing with any bullshit.

Lots of new submitters lately! Thanks barklikea and everyone else for keeping this blog running. :)

I was invading in that throne area in the new DLC. This guy was fully decked out in the grym helm, the jester top, the works.    I fought him by the stair case on the other side of that giant chain. He healed about 5 times during this encounter and on his final run and heal attempt, I crushed him with a plunging attack. He seemed to think I was using the red tear stone ring (wasn’t), Sadly I use three swords (drakeblood great, fume, and an estoc) so I’m not sure which one was the “pussy weapon”.  The best part, he seems mad that i was using a shield for it’s intended purpose. 

My replies: which one? the club or katanas? (weapons he used) you should give blocking a try, would cut back on the healing needed. 

transcript (1) pussy weapon (2) Yet you had the pussy ring on with that bitch weapon that makes you do 99x more damage when your getting you shit pushed in pussy then you put the shield up to block everything then hit get fucking good lil kid

Anonymous said: Solaire, you dumbass! Start making sense, you rotten phantom, or you're gonna be sorry! Maybe I'll rip your limbs off, one-by-one! Or maybe I'll put you in the goddamn furnace! How can someone with such a big, smart brain get hypnotized like a little bitch?! Huh!? Oh, Sunlord! I love you, Sunlord! Come over here and give Solaire a big sloppy kiss, Sunlord! Now pull your head out of your goddamn ass and START FUCKING HELPING US!!